There's Something About Bill: Grin & Bear It

A version of this story appeared in the Santa Fe Reporter.

There's Something About Bill: Grin & Bear It Can Richardson bite back at Colbert?
By Dave Maass
davem@sfreporter.com

With a tip of the hat, a wag of the finger, satirist Stephen Colbert threw his, er, tie into the South Carolina presidential primary. You could almost hear the sighs from the Federal Election Commission attorneys dreading the possibility of a televised McCain-Feingold Act prosecution. The Colbert Report host isshooting for slots on both the Democratic and Republican primary ballots, and he’s already climbing in the polls.

He’s jumped from 0 percent to 2.3 percent, according to a national poll of 1,000 voters conducted last week by Public Opinion Strategies. This means Colbert has edged out Bill Richardson by 0.2 percent.

Unlike presidential candidates Mike Gravel, Dennis Kucinich, Mike Huckabee and Ron Paul, Bill has yet to submit to a Colbert interview (though he did plug his book once on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart). When Huckabee appeared, he begged Colbert to join him as a running mate.

“This is nothing more than a gimmick for Stephen Colbert to sell his book, and the media is playing right along,” Richardson spokesman Tom Reynolds told the Albuquerque Journal. “We enjoy his show—but this is a serious election with serious consequences—and we are not going to comment on this ridiculous exercise.”

That’s pretty weak. SFR has a suggestion. If Bill wants to chase Colbert out of the race, he needs to remember one word:

Bears.

Brown bears, black bears, grizzly bears: Colbert fears them. Most weeks, bears top his Threatdown list. That’s how Bill can bite back. After all, he’s known for his bear hugs and he manages a state where, this year alone, one bear wandered into hospital in Rio Rancho and another bit a 13-year-old at Sugarite Canyon State Park.

Here’s the truthiness on Bill’s bear record:

• Bill officially declared this year’s Super Bowl Sunday, “Brian Urlacher Day,” in honor of the Farmington-born linebacker for the Chicago Bears.

• In March 2007, the “Out in Hollywood” blogger for the Los Angeles Daily News referred to Bill as “a big bear of a man.” Even his initials invoke the name of the beast.

• Bill’s CafePress store sells little white teddy bears wearing red ribbons and three different Richardson slogans for $14.45.

• Bill’s campaign contributors include employees of “Big Bear Construction,” “Bears Bilingual Mobile Services,” and investing giant “Bear Stearns,” for whom he delivered an energy speech in March.